Saturday, September 5, 2009 {♥}
I can't sleep in the middle of the night.
And wild thoughts are running through my mind.
The phrase "Am I really that detestable?" kept repeating through my mind.
This is my real personal post. It's my blog anw right.
And it's a longgggggggg wordy post.
Seriously, Idk, or rather I don't understand why,
people can have soo many friends to hang out with.
And mine are always hi-bye friends?
Is it their character? Or personality? Or people just like to suck up that particular person?
Well, let's start from Secondary education.
Everything started from, I think it's Secondary 3 or 4,
where people started spreading untrue rumours about us.
And everybody left us, one by one.
It's really obvious that someone is spreading rumours right.
I mean, come on, why on Earth do you have to do that?
Try putting yourselves in our shoes and see how you guys feel.
I am very sensitive to words alright.
Even if you don't mean what you say, I'll feel very upset, by your words.
For some reason, I'm referring to one person.
But, not because of that particular person, I'm affected by everyone's words.
Anw, so, since we have known each other from the first day of school,
automatically, we'll tend to stick with each other.
And this was till the end of Secondary 5.
Yes, just the two of us always together despite people wanting to spoil our friendship.
In the beginning of the year, I started to hate part of the class.
Why? I bet you guys won't even know.
You guys were happily choosing him as a monitor for two consecutive years,
when he didn't even carry out his duties properly!
And he's not in shame to hog that position.
At that point, I totally gave up on the class.
Being a monitor, he's sooooooooo selfish to put his personal feelings into his role.
Giving information to the rest of the class, except for the both of us.
I really felt like giving him a punch you know.
From then on, we did not depend on him to tell us anything,
and seek our form teacher for information ourselves.
We don't even know we're going to Pulau Ubin until that morning.
All thanks to that fucking monitor huh.
Of course, you guys won't know how we felt then.
From then on, we did not join any activities with you guys
cause we know that we'll jolly well be neglected.
Recently, that teachers' day celebration,
I don't even bother going back to that school,
where there isn't any pleasant memories with that class.
So why bother going back?
It's not that we're not sporting or what.
You guys are the one who made us the way we are now.
I was dying to finish my Secondary education and hopefully,
led a better and new life after that.
But I was totally wrong.
Everything happened again. It's like history repeated itself again.
Class split up. That is what I hate most.
Fine, some people just cannot get along with some people. And I understand that.
That's why I prefer hanging out with the guys,
whom can take jokes, and have fun with together.
Whereas the girls will tend to talk behind your backs, backstabbing or whatever nonsensical stuff.
It's not that I'm flirting with the guys alright.
So don't give me that look of yours.
I hate it when I'm not independent enough to decide what I want.
I just wanted some companion. Can't I?
And nobody ever do things my way.
I don't understand why, I'm always ended up with the wrong bunch of people.
Having a boyf is such a blissful thing.
But it made me feel very annoying, and irritated.
Especially when the guy is very possessive.
I hate it when friends leave us to go with her boyf.
I mean, fine, since I don't have one, I can't complain.
Anw you're the one who's gonna lose out if you can't catch up.
And don't come hugging my feet and begging me to coach you when time comes.
I don't want to make major or serious mistakes for this three years.
Speaking of mistakes, Idk why I'm always making BIG mistakes, and regretted.
Why am I deserving all this, my life, my social circle, my everything?
I'm someone who makes things easy for people. Why can't others do the same to me?
I thought what goes around comes around?
Did alot of quizzes in fb, almost all is true about me,
except for the "having alot of friends" phrase.
Okay, I know fb quizzes are not accurate at all. But I still believe in it.
And, for some reason, I sometimes feel like I'm a frog in the well.
Most of the time, I'm stucked at home.
Why? Because nobody asked me out.
Why? Because I don't have friends.
Why? Because I'm affected by what had happened during Secondary school days.
And I'm somewhat withdrawn from the society.
People say, to know how many true friends you really had,
it's when you're dead, during your funeral, look how many people paid respects to you.
Well, I bet I'm not gonna have much. At most that pathetic one or two.
I feel that I'm always been used, and then dump away after that.
Do I really look that fierce?
I really really liked making friends with people.
But somehow has this barrier. Why?
Am I really that bad? Am I really that detestable?
I am still wide awake. - 05:53
I started typing at 05:06, spent nearly one hour to let everything out.
Dad off the modem so I can't publish post. -.-
The above post does not refer to Honey(except our story), Pearlyn, Claire and Wenli. (:
Typed finished at 5:06:00 AM. {♥}
Get at least 3.0 GPA.